12.20.2012 Appreciate What You Have

12.20.2012

It's 50 degrees and raining this morning.  And DARK.  Very dark at 7 in the morning.  But my 10 mile commute took the same amount of time as always.  My fellow commuters were behaving themselves, driving for the conditions instead of driving to be first at the office.  Later on today, the temperature is supposed to drop and the rain will change into snow.  I'm not looking forward to snow; give me rain and 50 degrees any day.

The bright neon lights of the businesses along my route were such a contrast to the dark of the early morning.  The reds, yellows and greens of the traffic lights viewed through the rain cascading down my windshield were distorted and fuzzy and so beautiful!

And suddenly, I just felt so alone and this question popped into my head.  "how did I get to this point in my life where I feel so cut off from the people I love the most?"  And of course, I cried.

Why did I cry?  Because the lights were sooo pretty and because it's Christmas Time and the first snow is coming and I can't make a Christmas box for either of my parents because they're both dead and my boys are living lives that seem to rarely connect with mine.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how lonely I feel.

I'm not quite sure where my mindset would be if I hadn't met Scott.  Most of his extended family is right here in the area; his 2 children and his grands live within 5 miles of his house.   His Aunt Jeannie lives next door.  They've been very accepting of me and I appreciate their warmth and family time.

In fact, Scott's Aunt Jeannie hosted a family get together last night.  She has no children of her own, but she is an Auntie, a great Auntie, and a great great Auntie to the people who were there.  It's Tradition that she cooks a pork loin supper and makes ice cream pie for dessert.  Also Tradition that she gives pajamas to each little kid.  There were 7 or 8 little girls there last night and one boy; they all were so excited to get their new Christmas PJ's - the girls ran upstairs to change and then had a fashion show.  Jeannie looked exhausted but so happy to have her family around her.  Her husband is gone and she lives by herself, but is rarely alone.

ANYWAY, I got to work and checked my email and the blogs that I follow, one of which is http://rowdykittens.com/    She lost her father this past year and some of the things she wrote in her latest post really resonated with me this morning. She is going to work on practicing gratitude, choosing joy and savoring tiny pleasures.  Let's see....

"Practice Gratitude"   Yes, both of my parents are gone but I am grateful for the memories and for who they were.  I am grateful for my boys and the time I get to spend with them now that they are grown and busy.  I am grateful for Scott and for his love and his understanding of what I have gone through.

I am going to practice Gratitude for what IS and try to ignore what isn't or what can't be.

"Choosing Joy"  CHOOSE to be happy despite the sadness.  Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary.  Being able to focus on the little things is something anyone can develop.  I created a Pic-A-Day Photo Set for 2010; I'm nearing the end of my 2012 set.  To do this, I need to take pictures nearly every day.  The need to find these pictures has developed my FOCUS on what's around me.  I think I SEE more now when I look at something than I did 3 years ago.

Now I see that I need to develop my Focus on being Happy.

"Savoring Tiny Pleasures"  Find the happiness in the little things.  :)  I can do that!

Some recent tiny pleasures are

**Sharing an oatmeal breakfast every day with Scott

**A quick call from a boy

**Christmas Cards

**Chasing Ambrose the Cat around the house

**A herd of little girls prancing around in new pj's

**The crazy beautiful colors of a Rainy Day

:)

12.18.2012 A Christmas Note

12.18.2012  

It's a week before Christmas and I am so not ready!  In past years, my Christmas List was full of names - grands and parents on both sides, my boys, little cousins, nephews and nieces and yet, I was usually done with presents by early December.  Sadly, the little people are all grown up and I don't send gifts anymore..and the older people have passed on.  Now the list is short but I'm out of ideas!

HOWEVER, I did finally get my Christmas letter written. 

I know, I know - most people HATE getting those Christmas letters that rave about the Honor Roll children and the marvelous canoe trip to Tahiti and the photographic safari to Africa and the scientific breakthrough the husband achieved while he wrote his latest best seller.

But I don't hate them - I love them!  Since I don't live by most of my loved ones, I love reading up on what's happened in the past year and always hope for those achievements and good times rather than "Oh No" situations.

 I myself have written a Christmas letter for 20 years, some more amusing than others.  They're on my computer - I can start at the beginning and read them, one after the other, if I want to. And I confess, I've done that a time or two.  Fun and Sad at the same time.

So here's the 2012 Christmas Letter.  Not very entertaining, but it does sum up my 2012.  And in ten years, when I stumble across the file in my computer and re-read it, I hope the memories it will bring up make me smile more than cry.  

~~~~~ Dear Everyone I know! I hope this letter finds you and yours happy and healthy, pleased with the year just finished and full of good plans for the new one.   My 2012 was another roller coaster of a year.

 I’m going to get the bad news out of the way – most of you know it already; my mother, Sandra June Clark Yarbrough, died on May 15^th, from Uterine Cancer.   Able to be home, Mom’s last 20 days were spent hugging a constant flow of visitors, sitting in her rose garden, wishing she could play one more round of golf.  Given the gift of time, she called lifelong friends to say goodbye and wrote notes of farewell.

We knew this was the end but there was more laughing than crying.   I remember her reaction when I made that first cup of Constant Comment tea with 1 tsp of sugar!  “Oh it’s so good!  But, Kath...too Many Calories!  I don’t drink it with sugar!”  I said “Mom, why not?”  We looked at each other; then she drained the cup and said “Make me another and double the sugar!”   :)    She died in her own bed, with grandson Sam patting her on the back, her sister Barb holding one hand and me holding the other.  I really really miss her.

On to better things…Did you know that Amtrak offers a 15 day pass for only $430 a person?  It does!  Boarding the Empire Builder at Union Station, Chicago, my travelling companion Scott and I  traveled first north thru Minnesota and then west.  Port of Calls?   White Fish, Montana (hiking with Josh and Megan in Glacier National Park!) On to Portland, Oregon (walkabout and a coastal drive to the Lewis and Clark National Historic Park.) Then to Klamath Falls, Oregon (time with Cousin Susie and her family at Crater Lake!)  And finally heading home via Denver.  I only took about 1000 pictures.  Yay for Digital!  It was a GOOD Trip.  

Scott and I have been together already for TWO YEARS.  A good man, he has learned to properly handle my emotional ups and downs with hugs and cookies.  (LOTS of ups, LOTS of downs = LOTS of cookies!)  Scott’s retiring from the US Post Office on 01.31.13 after working there for 34 years!  Yes, he’s counting down.  Me?  I have no such retirement plans.   Am I Disgruntled?  Nah!  Nope.  Not me…

Son Josh and wife Megan live out west in Idaho. They've bought a house and are making it a Home.  Josh is a Hewlett Packard programmer; Megan is an elementary school Behavioral Specialist during the day and a Community Pool Supervisor at night.  They’re flying in on Dec 26^th for festivities.  

Son Tim and wife Mary are happily ensconced in Lafayette, Indiana.  Tim took a math teacher job at a local middle school; Mary teaches High School English on the same campus.  Tim is still being funny with his comedy improve group, Ad Liberation. Occasionally, the jokes bomb...but even the bombs are funny!   

Son Sam and FIANCE’ Jenna will graduate from Indiana State University in April (a Master’s and a Bachelor’s) and then marry on May 18 in a very small wedding on the south side of Indianapolis.  The next weekend there will be a party in the Chicago area for BOTH sides of the family.  Family members – you’ll get info on that sometime in the spring. Please put May 25 on the calendar!

Time goes on, eh?  I’ve got the carpal tunnel,  the wrinkles, the aches and a cookie tummy to prove it.  I keep my gray hair very short – I figure looking like an aging elf can’t be a bad thing! :) 

                                   

Love and Hugs from Me to You

Merry Christmas 2012 and Happy New Year 2013!  

May your Holidays be Sweet and Full of Family

11.09.2012 Just for a Moment...

11.09.2012  The other day I was driving home from work.  I came to a stop at a red light, and settled back into my seat to wait.

Glancing out the side window and up at the sky...robin's egg blue; no clouds.  Just BLUE sky.  Nothing but blue sky for miles and miles and ...whoa!  a DRAGON!  There's a DRAGON in the sky!  An Honest to Goodness Drago.... oh

it wasn't a Dragon at all.  It was just a small silver plane, destined to land in a few minutes at the Greenwood Airport.  It was tilted, and looked NOTHING like a small silver plane, but EVERYTHING like a small silver dragon.

And for just that brief second, I truly BELIEVED it was a dragon.  I saw it, my mind identified it and shouted "Dragon!"   :)  And I've got to tell you, for that one moment I believed...I felt AMAZING.

I think the World could use a good sized population of Dragons.  Not the fire breathing ones of course;  intelligent herbivores who love nothing better than to entertain commuters as they sit in their cars, waiting for the light to change.  You've seen flocks of birds swoop in their intricate patterns...can you imagine a herd of dragons doing the same?

11.03.2012 Thoughts at 7:09 AM

11.03.2012  Careening Thoughts

While on FB this morning, my thoughts started on a careening tangent.  So I thought I'd copy and paste them into my blog.  Kind of silly, because I think most people who read my blog are the ones who are my Facebook Friends and therefore, will probably have already read my list.  Oh well!


Thoughts at 7:09 am 

1. Am I doomed to forever wake up 2 minutes before my weekday alarm (5:50 AM) WOULD have gone off?

2. Mmmmmm Hot Irish Breakfast Tea

3. Wish I had a fresh scone to go with my IBT 

4. Do I want to bake scones at 7:09 in the morning? 

5. Long's Donuts has scones 

6 Wonder if people stagger into Long's in their pajamas? 

7. Sure is dark outside 

8. Fall back tonight with the clocks 

9. I'm glad i bought that Flea market clock that looks like the one my Grannie had 

10. I miss my Grannie 

11. I sure do like a good Flea Market 

12. Johnson County has one today 

13. Should I be alarmed that I find articles on Cracked.com so funny? 

14. More tea, more tea 

15. iBT in a Jury's Inn cup that Mom and I 'liberated' when in Ireland has gotta be better than when in a normal cup 

16. Ireland with Mom and my Aunties. That was a great trip. 

17. Glad I went to Alaska with Mom 

18. Puffins. Wish I'd gotten a better picture of those puffins I saw in the ocean 

19. More tea 

20. Does everyone's mind flip from subject to subject like mine does? Or is it just me? 

10.31.2012 All the Last Times

10.31.2012

In perusing blogs, I came across this one.  http://3x3x365.blogspot.com  .

Three friends from three different parts of the country (Asheville NC, South Bend IN, and Richmond VA)   post to this blog each day, sharing their lives with each other and people like me who have become interested in their photos and their written thoughts.

This post by Richmond VA really hit home.   http://3x3x365.blogspot.com/2012/10/102912.html

Here's an excerpt...

"I tore a page out of Reader’s Digest once.

 It was a short essay entitled All the Last Times. 

For years I had a copy of it on my refrigerator,

 and have shared it with every new mom I know. 

Today I am sharing it with "old" moms who,

 like me, are shocked by the fact that kids grow up."

Read the whole post.

If you're a Mom with grown up children, you might have a tear or two.

All the FIRST Times are really important and those are the things that really stand out in your memory when you have babies -  the FIRST time you know that baby looked at you and KNEW you, The FIRST word, the FIRST step, the FIRST day of school.

But the LAST TIMES are hard to remember, because the LAST TIME just doesn't have the impact, because you just don't KNOW it's the last time until, as she mentioned in her post, you're standing somewhere and you think..Huh.  When WAS that last time??   And then devastation hits, because you just don't have a distinct memory.  Like...

~~the last time I pulled a tshirt over a big ol' baby head because he couldn't escape from it
~~the last time the boys argued about who would be my Couch Pal for the evening
~~the last time each boy came to ME for a hug when they were hurting, instead of to a girlfiend

I think that's why I like to take pictures.  If  nothing else, I've got that Last Time I was with Someone in a jpg.   But I think if I'd known the last Couch Pal argument WAS the final one, I'd have insisted everyone sit with me in a Big Pile.

:)

10.24.2012 Royal Manual Typewriter

10.24.2012

My sister Carol has a friend who collects manual typewriters.  I read his blog this morning , which led me to start thinking about Typing and how EVERYONE knows how to type now...little kids are learning as soon as they can get to the computer keyboard.

The above is a picture I just found on the internet - an old Royal Quiet Deluxe Portable Typewriter.  My Mom had one just like it, and when I was a kid, I'd drag it out and have fun pounding the keys.  It came in its own hard case that had little metal clasps to affix the typewriter safely in place.

Typing FAST and of course, without errors,  used to be a highly prized skill.  Is it still?  I just took an online test and my score was 104 words per minute, without errors.  Not so bad.  But I notice it only used the normal punctuation, nothing on that top line, nor did it use numbers.  There's another test listed, with words AND numbers.  I'm not even going to bother taking it...my score would be a Hunt and Peck score.

I learned how to type correctly in high school as part of my series of Business Classes.  I also took two years of Gregg Shorthand, some of which I still remember and could actually use, if the occasion arose. (Whether I could read it back two hours later is another matter.)  And yes, I also took a class that taught me how to create the Punched Cards that were used to store the data and programs of the earliest computers.

Lincoln Way High School had a nice typing lab, 2nd floor, front of the building, complete with a full set of windows that overlooked the Lincoln Highway and the cornfields beyond.  I learned on an electric typewriter, which was so much easier to use than the Royal.  We had timed tests nearly every day which I always did well on.  Once during gym, I jammed the 3 middle fingers of my right hand playing basketball.  I remember that I still had to take those timed tests despite having those fingers all taped together.  :)

A few weeks ago, there was a story about Typewriters  http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7397608n on the CBS show  Sunday Morning .   Evidently more and more people are discovering the JOY of pounding out words on a Typewriter, whether it be manual or electric.  I watched that show and I wished again (as I have sooo many times in the past 20 years) that I still had that old Royal Typewriter of Mom's.

I took the Royal to college and typed every paper I wrote on it...and as a Library Science Major/English minor, I wrote lots of papers.  I still have a few of those papers, and each time I unearth the box they're stored in, I read them.  Looking at the characters typed on the paper is almost as fun as reading the words.

Some of the typed characters are DARK (early in the term, new ribbon) some are light (end of the term, old ribbon.)  Some have NO typing mistakes at all (very careful retype); some have a few mistakes, crossed out with handwritten corrections.   Any typed q, z, or x would be faint (I'm right handed, so wimpy left hand) but any Capital Q, Z or X would be VERY DARK because with the Royal, I'd hold the shift key down with my left fingers and use my right to smack the letter down hard.  :)  I just did that while typing this, and it felt VERY natural.

I remember typing my paper on Leon Uris, sitting cross-legged on my bed, my notes spread all over, and the Royal in front of me, resting on the closed case.   Probably not the best form.

Clickety clickety clickety , the Clunk of pushing the shift key down and a forceful bam for a Capital, clickety clickety clickety,  RETURN!  Man oh Man, that sentence?  Work of ART!  It had to be because of all the physical and mental effort that went into it!

I gave that Royal back to Mom when we moved from S. California to Florida.  I'd bought a Brother's electric typewriter to type up job applications and resumes and we didn't need two.  I asked her about it a few years ago - she'd donated it to Goodwill at some point.  It was long gone.  I wish I had it.

10.22.2012 October is nearly over

10.22.2012   October

I love October. I love everything about it.

I love the crisp temperatures, watching the leaves change colors, turning yellow and red and purple as the month marches on.   I love wearing sweatshirts.  I love that quick tinge of chill in the air as the sun sets.

I love scuffling my feet thru the piles of crunchy leaves. I even love RAKING the leaves.

I love the fall flowers...the bronze or dusky dark purple mums are my favorites. I love the fall weeds; the milk weed pods and the Joe Pye Weed and the Goldenrod.  I love the colors - the deep oranges and the purples.

I love the pumpkins, piled up at Farmer's Markets or grinning wickedly at the world from the front stoops.

I love the football games and the marching bands and the Fall Festivals, with the huge boxes of apples in the markets.  Honey Crisp!  Braeburn!  Pink Lady!  Sun Crisp!    Mutsu!  How can you NOT buy a pound of an apple named Honey Crisp?

I love that my son Timmy was born in October, 2 days before Halloween.  I was home from the hospital in time to watch my son Josh the Dinosaur go off into the night with his Dad to Trick or Treat.  I sat in my rocker on the porch, handing out candy and peeks at the new baby to the little goblins and witches who came to my door.

I love Halloween.  I love the danger tinged darkness contrasted with the bright safety of the house.  I love the jack-o-lanterns and the SMELL of the pumpkin mixed with the burning wax.  I love the costumes and the spookiness of it all.

But my love for October is always edged with a little what...Regret?  Sadness?  It's a Bittersweet month for sure.

October is such a visual reminder that Time is passing by.  The farmer's fields are empty of growing things, full of broken corn stalks. The leaves fall faster and faster -  Some trees are already standing with their arms naked and stark against the white sky.  Farmer's Markets are shuttering their open windows against the chill and the wind.

My Dad's birthday is in October.  I used to send him birthday boxes of warm socks or a new book and a big bag of those Peanut Butter Kisses, the chewy taffy with the peanut butter in the middle, in the orange and black wrappers.  He loved those.

This morning I drove to work in the dark and after November 4, I'll be driving home in the dark as well.  I love that Scott gets home from work first, so that I'm not coming home to a dark, empty house.