12.20.2012 Appreciate What You Have

12.20.2012

It's 50 degrees and raining this morning.  And DARK.  Very dark at 7 in the morning.  But my 10 mile commute took the same amount of time as always.  My fellow commuters were behaving themselves, driving for the conditions instead of driving to be first at the office.  Later on today, the temperature is supposed to drop and the rain will change into snow.  I'm not looking forward to snow; give me rain and 50 degrees any day.

The bright neon lights of the businesses along my route were such a contrast to the dark of the early morning.  The reds, yellows and greens of the traffic lights viewed through the rain cascading down my windshield were distorted and fuzzy and so beautiful!

And suddenly, I just felt so alone and this question popped into my head.  "how did I get to this point in my life where I feel so cut off from the people I love the most?"  And of course, I cried.

Why did I cry?  Because the lights were sooo pretty and because it's Christmas Time and the first snow is coming and I can't make a Christmas box for either of my parents because they're both dead and my boys are living lives that seem to rarely connect with mine.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how lonely I feel.

I'm not quite sure where my mindset would be if I hadn't met Scott.  Most of his extended family is right here in the area; his 2 children and his grands live within 5 miles of his house.   His Aunt Jeannie lives next door.  They've been very accepting of me and I appreciate their warmth and family time.

In fact, Scott's Aunt Jeannie hosted a family get together last night.  She has no children of her own, but she is an Auntie, a great Auntie, and a great great Auntie to the people who were there.  It's Tradition that she cooks a pork loin supper and makes ice cream pie for dessert.  Also Tradition that she gives pajamas to each little kid.  There were 7 or 8 little girls there last night and one boy; they all were so excited to get their new Christmas PJ's - the girls ran upstairs to change and then had a fashion show.  Jeannie looked exhausted but so happy to have her family around her.  Her husband is gone and she lives by herself, but is rarely alone.

ANYWAY, I got to work and checked my email and the blogs that I follow, one of which is http://rowdykittens.com/    She lost her father this past year and some of the things she wrote in her latest post really resonated with me this morning. She is going to work on practicing gratitude, choosing joy and savoring tiny pleasures.  Let's see....

"Practice Gratitude"   Yes, both of my parents are gone but I am grateful for the memories and for who they were.  I am grateful for my boys and the time I get to spend with them now that they are grown and busy.  I am grateful for Scott and for his love and his understanding of what I have gone through.

I am going to practice Gratitude for what IS and try to ignore what isn't or what can't be.

"Choosing Joy"  CHOOSE to be happy despite the sadness.  Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary.  Being able to focus on the little things is something anyone can develop.  I created a Pic-A-Day Photo Set for 2010; I'm nearing the end of my 2012 set.  To do this, I need to take pictures nearly every day.  The need to find these pictures has developed my FOCUS on what's around me.  I think I SEE more now when I look at something than I did 3 years ago.

Now I see that I need to develop my Focus on being Happy.

"Savoring Tiny Pleasures"  Find the happiness in the little things.  :)  I can do that!

Some recent tiny pleasures are

**Sharing an oatmeal breakfast every day with Scott

**A quick call from a boy

**Christmas Cards

**Chasing Ambrose the Cat around the house

**A herd of little girls prancing around in new pj's

**The crazy beautiful colors of a Rainy Day

:)

12.18.2012 A Christmas Note

12.18.2012  

It's a week before Christmas and I am so not ready!  In past years, my Christmas List was full of names - grands and parents on both sides, my boys, little cousins, nephews and nieces and yet, I was usually done with presents by early December.  Sadly, the little people are all grown up and I don't send gifts anymore..and the older people have passed on.  Now the list is short but I'm out of ideas!

HOWEVER, I did finally get my Christmas letter written. 

I know, I know - most people HATE getting those Christmas letters that rave about the Honor Roll children and the marvelous canoe trip to Tahiti and the photographic safari to Africa and the scientific breakthrough the husband achieved while he wrote his latest best seller.

But I don't hate them - I love them!  Since I don't live by most of my loved ones, I love reading up on what's happened in the past year and always hope for those achievements and good times rather than "Oh No" situations.

 I myself have written a Christmas letter for 20 years, some more amusing than others.  They're on my computer - I can start at the beginning and read them, one after the other, if I want to. And I confess, I've done that a time or two.  Fun and Sad at the same time.

So here's the 2012 Christmas Letter.  Not very entertaining, but it does sum up my 2012.  And in ten years, when I stumble across the file in my computer and re-read it, I hope the memories it will bring up make me smile more than cry.  

~~~~~ Dear Everyone I know! I hope this letter finds you and yours happy and healthy, pleased with the year just finished and full of good plans for the new one.   My 2012 was another roller coaster of a year.

 I’m going to get the bad news out of the way – most of you know it already; my mother, Sandra June Clark Yarbrough, died on May 15^th, from Uterine Cancer.   Able to be home, Mom’s last 20 days were spent hugging a constant flow of visitors, sitting in her rose garden, wishing she could play one more round of golf.  Given the gift of time, she called lifelong friends to say goodbye and wrote notes of farewell.

We knew this was the end but there was more laughing than crying.   I remember her reaction when I made that first cup of Constant Comment tea with 1 tsp of sugar!  “Oh it’s so good!  But, Kath...too Many Calories!  I don’t drink it with sugar!”  I said “Mom, why not?”  We looked at each other; then she drained the cup and said “Make me another and double the sugar!”   :)    She died in her own bed, with grandson Sam patting her on the back, her sister Barb holding one hand and me holding the other.  I really really miss her.

On to better things…Did you know that Amtrak offers a 15 day pass for only $430 a person?  It does!  Boarding the Empire Builder at Union Station, Chicago, my travelling companion Scott and I  traveled first north thru Minnesota and then west.  Port of Calls?   White Fish, Montana (hiking with Josh and Megan in Glacier National Park!) On to Portland, Oregon (walkabout and a coastal drive to the Lewis and Clark National Historic Park.) Then to Klamath Falls, Oregon (time with Cousin Susie and her family at Crater Lake!)  And finally heading home via Denver.  I only took about 1000 pictures.  Yay for Digital!  It was a GOOD Trip.  

Scott and I have been together already for TWO YEARS.  A good man, he has learned to properly handle my emotional ups and downs with hugs and cookies.  (LOTS of ups, LOTS of downs = LOTS of cookies!)  Scott’s retiring from the US Post Office on 01.31.13 after working there for 34 years!  Yes, he’s counting down.  Me?  I have no such retirement plans.   Am I Disgruntled?  Nah!  Nope.  Not me…

Son Josh and wife Megan live out west in Idaho. They've bought a house and are making it a Home.  Josh is a Hewlett Packard programmer; Megan is an elementary school Behavioral Specialist during the day and a Community Pool Supervisor at night.  They’re flying in on Dec 26^th for festivities.  

Son Tim and wife Mary are happily ensconced in Lafayette, Indiana.  Tim took a math teacher job at a local middle school; Mary teaches High School English on the same campus.  Tim is still being funny with his comedy improve group, Ad Liberation. Occasionally, the jokes bomb...but even the bombs are funny!   

Son Sam and FIANCE’ Jenna will graduate from Indiana State University in April (a Master’s and a Bachelor’s) and then marry on May 18 in a very small wedding on the south side of Indianapolis.  The next weekend there will be a party in the Chicago area for BOTH sides of the family.  Family members – you’ll get info on that sometime in the spring. Please put May 25 on the calendar!

Time goes on, eh?  I’ve got the carpal tunnel,  the wrinkles, the aches and a cookie tummy to prove it.  I keep my gray hair very short – I figure looking like an aging elf can’t be a bad thing! :) 

                                   

Love and Hugs from Me to You

Merry Christmas 2012 and Happy New Year 2013!  

May your Holidays be Sweet and Full of Family